October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s important to speak about the realities of abuse, uplift survivors, and have honest conversations about the many ways domestic violence can impact a person’s health, safety, and ability to make decisions about their own future.

In reproductive healthcare, those intersections can be especially complicated. Abuse is not only physical violence. It can include manipulation, intimidation, monitoring, reproductive control, and attempts to take away a person’s ability to make decisions about pregnancy or healthcare.

At A Woman’s Choice, our providers care for patients from many different backgrounds and circumstances. Sometimes, that means caring for someone who is trying to make a deeply personal healthcare decision while also navigating an abusive or controlling relationship.

For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we spoke with one of our nurses about what she has witnessed while providing abortion care, how those experiences have shaped the way she cares for patients, and why being a trusted provider matters.

What first drew you to abortion care, and what has kept you in this work?

AWC RN:

“I was initially drawn to abortion care because I was passionate about helping women make their own reproductive choices. I had previously worked at an IVF clinic and enjoyed supporting women on their journeys to motherhood. I am equally passionate about allowing women to choose not to be mothers or not to have another child.

I have stayed in this work because I have seen firsthand how much it is needed and valued by those coming to our clinic. Every day, I feel like I am helping people through a difficult time in their life and supporting them when many people want them to feel ashamed.”

For her, reproductive healthcare has never been about pushing someone toward one outcome. It is about making sure people have the information, support, and care they need to decide what is right for their own lives. That becomes even more important when a patient is experiencing abuse.

What have your patients taught you about the connection between domestic violence and reproductive healthcare?

AWC RN:

“As an abortion provider, I have heard patient stories about their partners and the manipulation and abuse they have endured. Many patients are grateful for the opportunity to get abortion care in North Carolina because it allows them to leave an abusive situation, which is already an extremely difficult task, without the added factor of pregnancy or children.”

One of the things that has stayed with her is not just the severity of some of those experiences, but how often abuse comes up in patient care.

It is surprising to see how many women are suffering in domestic abuse situations. As a society, we like to think of it as a rare occurrence, but unfortunately it is very common, and women in those situations are often made to feel ashamed or scared of speaking about it.

Sometimes, providers only get a glimpse of what a patient may be experiencing outside the clinic. For her, one phone call made that reality especially clear.

Is there a patient interaction that has stayed with you?

“One night, a woman called the after-hours line around 8 p.m. She was asking about making an appointment, but her partner was in the background loudly screaming at her and calling her a murderer.

I asked if she was safe, and she did not answer. She just spoke one word at a time, thanked me, and hung up.”

The call was brief, but the circumstances surrounding it were not.

For someone experiencing abuse, simply making an appointment can carry risk. A partner may monitor their phone, check their email, track their location, control transportation, or control their finances. Some patients may not even feel safe telling their partner that they are pregnant.

How can abuse affect someone’s ability to seek reproductive healthcare?

AWC RN:

“Working in abortion care has taught me just how far an abusive partner will go to control their victim. Many patients don’t feel safe telling their partner they are even pregnant. Others experience an increase in violence after their partner finds out.”

These realities can change the way someone has to navigate healthcare entirely. Something as routine as receiving a confirmation text, answering a phone call, traveling to an appointment, or paying for care can become another safety concern.

As a nurse, how do you navigate knowing a patient may be returning to an unsafe situation?

AWC RN:

“As a nurse, I continue to think about patients in unsafe situations, and it scares me to think about how quickly situations can escalate with an abuser. I always try to help in any way I can, but abuse is an extremely complicated situation for many that can’t be quickly solved.

I try to make sure every patient knows we support them, and if they are interested, I refer them to InterAct for resources. One thing we can always do is let patients know they are not alone and that help is available. Making someone feel important and worthy is a critical part of care.”

That support can also mean giving someone the space to make a complicated decision without pressure or judgment. Our RN remembers caring for a patient who was in school, had two children, had recently gotten divorced, and was unsure whether abortion was the right decision for her.

“After she decided to receive abortion care, she said it was a weight off her shoulders, and she felt relief. I was glad that we could provide this patient with all the options so she could decide what was best for her.”

For providers, holding space for experiences like these can also carry an emotional weight.

How do you take care of yourself while doing emotionally difficult work?

AWC RN:

“I take care of myself by understanding that I am doing the best I can and providing people with resources and information, but I cannot always fix the entire problem. Especially in healthcare, many of us want to fix everything, but that isn’t possible. I try to take time to myself at the end of each day to create art and connect with my boyfriend, siblings, and best friend.”

Knowing you cannot fix every part of someone’s situation doesn’t mean the care you provide in that moment doesn’t matter. Sometimes being heard, respected, and reminded that you are worthy of care can be incredibly meaningful—especially for someone who may be experiencing control or abuse in other parts of their life.

What would you want someone experiencing abuse to hear?

AWC RN:

“I would tell every patient that they are not alone. Even when the protestors outside want them to feel bad about their decision, they have done nothing wrong by choosing the best path for themselves. Especially in abusive situations, it is important to emphasize that the abuse is not their fault.”

That message—you are not alone and it’s not your fault—is at the heart of being a trusted provider.

What does being a trusted provider mean to you?

AWC RN:

“Being a trusted nurse means that I am able to give my patients all of the information they need to make the right choice for themselves and feel confident in doing so. I want all of our patients to feel listened to and respected.”

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we are reminded that healthcare does not happen in a vacuum. We may not know what someone experienced before they walked through our doors, what they had to do to safely make an appointment, who may be trying to control their decisions, or what they will face when they leave. We cannot solve every challenge a patient faces outside our clinics. But we can control how we treat them while they are with us.

We listen.

We believe them.

We respect their decisions.

We provide information without judgment.

We connect them with resources when they want them.

And we remind them that they deserve care without shame.

At A Woman’s Choice, being a trusted provider means creating a space where patients are treated with empathy, respect, compassion, and dignity. It means recognizing that reproductive autonomy is not only about having access to healthcare—it is also about having the freedom to make decisions about your own body and your own future without coercion or control.

For someone experiencing domestic violence or reproductive control, having even one place where their voice is respected can matter. No one should have to navigate abuse, pregnancy, or a difficult healthcare decision feeling like they are alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, confidential support and resources are available through local and national domestic violence organizations.