Looking beyond politics to understand the real-life decisions, pressures, and circumstances that shape abortion in America.

By Kandhi

She sits in her car for a few extra minutes before going inside. Her phone is open to her FLO App and her calculator. Gas + Hotel + Time off work + Childcare.

She’s done the math more than once. The numbers still don’t add up.

Inside is an appointment. Outside is everything else—her job, her children, her responsibilities. Yet when we talk about abortion, none of the hurdles that pregnant people must go through in order to get care seem to be mentioned. Instead, abortion is reduced to politics, soundbites, and talking points. Opinions from folks who will never have to sit in the car and figure out how to make the numbers add up. 

But this is what abortion actually looks like. 

It looks like someone trying to get to an appointment without losing their job. It looks like a parent arranging childcare for their children. It looks like someone pulling together money from wherever they can. Not just for the procedure, but for the cost of getting there in the first place. 

And let’s be honest about something that gets ignored far too often: nearly 6 in 10 people who have abortions are already parents (Guttmacher Institute). These are not the people who “don’t understand responsibility.” In reality, it’s the opposite; these are the folks who understand it deeply. 

That’s what makes the conversations we hear every day so hard to shake. Some moments are impossible to forget.

A parent calling, their voice unsteady, trying to understand the next steps for their teenager. Then there are calls from the teenagers themselves. Often quiet at first, unsure of what to say, and then the reality sets in—fear, confusion, and the weight of a situation they were taught to avoid, now unfolding in real time.

These moments don’t go viral. They don’t make headlines. But they are happening every single day. 

Abortion decisions are rarely about one thing. People want to believe abortion decisions come down to a single moment or a single mistake. That’s easier. It’s cleaner. But it’s not real. What’s real is everything piling up at once. Finances, family, school, work, health, relationships. The most common reasons people seek abortion are financial and related to caring for children they already have. So the question was never just “Do I want this? It’s “Can I realistically take this on right now, with everything else I’m already carrying on?” 

And that question doesn’t exist in a vacuum. 

We talk about “choice” like it’s something people can freely access, but that’s not how it works, especially not now. Since the Dobbs v. Jackson decision, access has become even more inequitable, especially across the South. For many people, getting care means driving hours, sometimes across state lines, taking unpaid time off work, finding someone to watch their kids, and coming up with the money they simply don’t have. 

So when we say “choice,” what we’re often talking about is who has the resources to make one. 

At the same time, abortion remains incredibly common–and still incredibly stigmatized. Yet, about 1 in 4 women in the United States will have an abortion in their lifetime (Guttmacher Institute). People often don’t share their stories because they know they’ll be judged. And that silence creates a version of reality that isn’t true–one where abortion feels rare, isolated, and disconnected from everyday life.

But we know it isn’t. 

And neither are the emotions that come with it. There is no right or wrong way to feel about having an abortion. It is okay to feel what you feel. Some people feel relief, some feel sadness. Many people feel both at the same time. Real life doesn’t fit into neat categories, no matter how badly people want it to. 

Instead of judging people seeking care, folks should be asking, “What led them here and how can we support them?”

Because when you actually sit with that question, when you allow yourself to hear the answer. It’s no longer a debate; you see it for what it is. 

A parent trying to hold their life together. 

A student trying to stay on track. 

A young person trying to figure things out in real time. 

Someone making a decision they never thought they would have to make. And that someone could be you. 

These are not abstract situations. They are happening quietly every day. In ways most people will never see. In cars outside clinics. On late-night phone calls. In moments where someone is doing the best they can with what they have. 

This should never been just about politics. It has always been about people. And it always will be. 

References

Guttmacher Institute. (2016). Reasons U.S. women have abortions: Quantitative and qualitative perspectives.
https://www.guttmacher.org

Guttmacher Institute. (2017). Abortion incidence and lifetime risk in the United States.
https://www.guttmacher.org

Guttmacher Institute. (2023). Characteristics of U.S. abortion patients.
https://www.guttmacher.org

Kaiser Family Foundation. (2023). Post-Dobbs state abortion travel and access data.
https://www.kff.org

Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision. (2022). 597 U.S. ___.